If you have pain from the past (as I have had and had to learn), many times we point the finger at another person who has come out of far more pain than we have. Those people who have come out of the deepest pain and healed have been sent to help deliver you out of your own pain while you criticize them and expect them to change while you never realize you need to work on yourself instead.
Let us stop trying to change another persons behavior for our own comfort. Let us stop writing notes or letters about what they did because this is keeping a record of wrong. I came out of this personally and I know it is wrong and is only a band aid for our own pain while we destroy the other person never realizing it. Yes, that person may listen, but you will never know they know how to take time away from you so they don’t have to do the same thing to you in showing you what you did wrong. They know the deep side of healing can only come from the Holy Spirit. Never tell another person you hate what they do in a vain attempt to fix you own problems. Messiah never did that to others and he endured the greatest abuse. Trust me, as I write this I have endured these things and seen them from the inside out.
STOP trying to change other people to fix your own problems, they are NOT responsible, YOU are, IT’S NOT THEIR FAULT. Seek the Father as I have had to. Messiah told us to remove the beam from our own eye, he never told us to try to remove it from another persons eye. When we keep a record of wrong and attempt to fix another person by that, we do not have love although we can make excuses for the reasons we do what we do. Stop justifying yourself and begin loving others.
The person you keep record of faults about bears the grief of your greater faults while they love you no matter what. They bear the grief alone while you help more grief upon them and they never tell you. Your worlds continue to destroy them but they lay your words at the feet of Messiah, while they love you more than you love them, yet you view them as the problem to the emotions you cannot deal with.
In Messiah, we bear our own pain, we don’t lay it on others. We will never realize this until we are actually healed. It doesn’t mean we won’t continue to bear grief, it means we have healed enough to endure the grief rather than lay it on another person all the while telling them we love them. Those who get it won’t believe you love them, but will continue to love you in any event. If you have found anyone in your life that loves you while you keep record of wrong, hang on tight to them.
When I was young I was hurt deeply by abusive men, Psychologically and physically, fortunately not sexually. Many people who have gone through a little pain, point the finger at those who have endured great and grievous pain not realizing what they are doing to that person. They are driving that person away, many times that person does not want to be with them and they seek a lot of alone time. When you keep a record of wrong and share that with them, you hurt them more and drive them further away.
Wake up, deal with your own pain before Elohim. Love the people you are with, love your family or you will lose them. They won’t leave you instantly, but if you keep hurting them, one day they will be gone without comment because you have grieved them too long while they loved you to such an extent that they never wanted to hurt you back.